Forgiving Others

Questions of Forgiveness

• What exactly do we mean by forgiveness? How do you define it?
• Do we forgive after the offender asks for it, or do we forgive regardless?
• Does forgiveness towards unbelievers look the same as forgiveness towards believers?

These are some of the questions that emerged out of a study of Luke 11:4:

'And forgive us our sins,For we ourselves also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.And lead us not into temptation .'"

After a few weeks of study and consideration, it became clear that there are some things we can say clearly about forgiveness.

Principle Underlying Forgiveness

The key principle that people need to understand about forgiveness is:

Every sin is more offensive to God, than to any person. In truth, as David said in Psalm 51:4,

4Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in yoursight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified whenyou judge.

This means our perspective when offended should not beabout getting recompense or repentance from someone to "right" theinjury to us, but rather should be about encouraging the offender torecognize and repent of their sin for their own good, and their ownrelationship with God. As for our injury, we need to let it go, andaccept the fact that we have been forgiven by orders of magnitude morethan all the offenses we could ever suffer from another. In reality,most offenses will never be apologized for.

Offenses from Believers

The Bible is clear that we should (at least in some cases) rebuke believers (brothers) that sin against us.

The primary passage for this is:

Matt 18:15-19

15 “Moreover if yourbrother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and himalone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’^[b] 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.
18“Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound inheaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19 “Again I say^[c] to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”

Other passages include:

Luke 17:3, 1 Tim 5:20, 2 Tim 4:2, Titus 1:13, and Titus 2:15

From 2 Tim 3:16, we are reminded that the Word of God is used for reproving believers.

So, clearly if we rebuke a brother and follow the steps outlined inMatthew 18, we will arrive at either the offender repenting and askingforgiveness of the person wronged, or they will be excluded from thebody of believers (i.e. shunned).

Do we always rebuke a brother for every offense? This is less clear.

We are also told that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). An interesting example of this, is found in Genesis

Genesis 9:23

But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were turned away, so that they did not see their father’s nakedness.

Here is a literal example of "covering" the sins of another. A commentary states:

Compare the conduct of Shem and Japheth to Noah (Ge 9:23), in contrast to Ham’s exposure of his father’s shame. We ought to cover others’ sins only where love itself does not require the contrary. Jamieson, Robert; Fausset, A.R.; and Brown, David, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible, (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.) 1998.

Offenses that we experience from others are often things that are onlyoffensive in our minds, they were never intended as offensive. Wemisinterpret what the other person said or meant. Love should compelus to believe the best about others, not the worst (1 Cor 13:7). Further, even if we know that what they did was sinful, if it was outof character (i.e. not a pattern), or it occurred in extremecircumstances (i.e. they were in severe pain -- Job 6:26)do we really need to rebuke them? Would it be helpful in thatsituation, or would it be better to overlook it and let the Spiritconvict them in time?

It seems that we should rebuke believers in all other cases, after careful consideration and prayer of the true need to do so.

Offenses of Unbelievers

The Bible is not so clear that we should rebukeunbelievers. Instead we are told to pray for those that persecute us. If they persecute us for doing what is right, then we are blessed. (Matt 5:10-12)

We could probably draw some cases from the example of Jesus ininteracting with his opponents. He rebuked the guard that struck himat his trial (John 18:21-23). He also rebuked the Pharisees on a number of occasions.

In a way, Paul rebuked the leaders/magistrates that unjustly had him beaten and thrown into jail at Philippi:

Acts 16:35-39

35 And when it was day, the magistrates sent the officers, saying, “Let those men go.”
36So the keeper of the prison reported these words to Paul, saying, “Themagistrates have sent to let you go. Now therefore depart, and go inpeace.”
37 But Paul said to them, “They have beaten us openly, uncondemned Romans, and have thrown us into prison. And now do they put us out secretly? No indeed! Let them come themselves and get us out.”
38 And the officers told these words to the magistrates, and they were afraid when they heard that they were Romans. 39 Then they came and pleaded with them and brought them out, and asked them to depart from the city.

It can also be argued that Stephen, before praying that God would forgive the sin of those who were killing him, goes through a lengthy rebuke of his assailants before they started to stone him. In fact, that seemed to be spark that set the fire.

Acts 7:51-55, 60

51 “You stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit; as your fathers did, so do you. 52Which of the prophets did your fathers not persecute? And they killedthose who foretold the coming of the Just One, of whom you now havebecome the betrayers and murderers, 53 who have received the law by the direction of angels and have not kept it.” 54 When they heard these things they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed at him with their teeth. 55But he, being full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw theglory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God, 56 and said, “Look! I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!” ... 60 Then he knelt down andcried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.”And when he had said this, he fell asleep.

Jesus suffered his unfair trial and treatment without rebuking the leaders that were directing it. He ultimately prayed from the cross that God would forgive them:

Luke 22:34

34 Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”

However, I suppose it can be argued that he did rebuke the leaders of the Jews during his ministry and they failed to hear him.

Again, if we recognize that the offense is truly against God and not us,then we can see that we should be forgiving of all offenses againstus. We should remember that vengeance is the Lord's and that we should seek to "overcome evil with good":

Rom 12:18-21

18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord. 20 Therefore

“ If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”^[b]

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

We should pray forour enemies and accept the abuse as a sacrifice honoring to God.

Still for the good of the unbeliever, we should consider what is thebest for them. It is best for them that they understand that wrong iswrong. That means, we should advise them when they are sinning againstus or others. We should help them to realize that everyone sins and that withoutChrist we are powerless to overcome the sin and do what is right. Andmore, we are guilty of the sin and deserving of punishment, temporaland eternal. The good news then is that there is a way to avoid theeternal consequences of sin.

There can not be "Good News" without the corresponding "Bad News". Obviously, unbelievers have a conscience and often correctly recognizecertain things as "wrong" even if they don't know or accept God as thebeing wronged. So, rebuking them may have some affect. On the otherhand, we can expect that they will NOT repent in all cases.

The question is what sort of relationship do we have with an unbelieverthat refuses to repent of sin. We obviously are still called to dogood to them (i.e. pray for them, and help them if they are in need). We are called to live at peace with everyone, as much as it depends onus. In most cases, this will mean that if we have tried to mend therelationship and confront the sin, and they persist then we shouldbreak off contact with them. Don't go out of your way to associatewith them. Even the disciples when they were sent to preach left if they were rejected. Their time was more wisely spent on others.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

There are other relationships in scripture that may put limits on what a failure to repent may mean in relationships. For example, if a husband sins against his wife and refuses to repent, she is not allowed to dissolve the marriage unless it involves sexual immorality. Obviously, if the husband is a believer then depending on the severity of the sin and need for rebuke, the wife can and should avail herself of Matthew 18 to help convict her husband of his sin. If her husband refuses the Matthew 18 approach, or is an unbeliever, then the wife is restricted by her covenant with her husband to maintain the relationship as best she can.

Undoubtedly, other specific situations may arise that will require prayer and meditation to judge best how it should be resolved.